Life is interesting. When I started to write about learning to rest, I had no idea that I would soon experience fatigue. Currently, I am working through what health professionals would call emotional exhaustion, which is a "state of feeling emotionally worn-out and drained as a result of accumulated stress from your personal or work lives, or a combination of both."
(https://www.healthline.com/health/emotional-exhaustion) On February 14th, I received some news that would shake my world. My Dad, who had been diagnosed with three aneurisms about two years ago, was admitted to the hospital. Some tests were done that day, and it was determined that the aneurism on his Aortic artery was leaking. Surgery was suggested, but he refused to go under the knife because the risk was too high. There was nothing that could be done now except to make his last days on earth comfortable. That evening my mom contacted me through a video call. My mom is a strong woman, but on that evening, the news shook her. She had received the call from the hospital that Dad only a short time left. As she told me the report, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. So many thoughts and emotions ran through me. Some of which were quite confusing. I don't often cry, but tears rolled down my cheeks that day. As my wife held me, all I could think was, "He's leaving. I need to see him!". My brain was now working on overdrive. "What do I do?" There were a couple of obstacles in my path. I hadn't gone grocery shopping for two weeks, there was no food in the fridge, and if I left, my family wouldn't have what they needed. It was also late, and there was a 10-hour drive between where I was and where my Dad was. I remember thinking, "Would my Dad pass away before I could get there?" That evening, my wife and I worked busily to prepare to head out early the next morning. Adrenaline was rushing through my body, my mind was cloudy, and my heart was full of grief. Thankfully, that evening I was able to talk with my Dad through a video call. With tears in my eyes, I reminded him that I loved him. I said my goodbyes, thinking that maybe I wouldn't have another opportunity to do so. As I crawled into bed, my heart was breaking. I remember thinking, "My dad won't get the opportunity to hold my daughter." I hadn't been able to get to Alberta before all this because of work and government restrictions imposed on us in Manitoba. With a hurting heart, I struggled to get some sleep. We left in the morning, and I drove as quickly as possible to get to my Dad. I was praying the whole way, "God, keep my Dad alive. Let me see him so I can say goodbye in person". I have heard from others that I wasn't the only one praying that day. By God's grace, we arrived at the hospital 13 hours later, and as a family, we saw my Dad. He was able to see Thea in person for the very first time. When I got there, it was surprising. My Dad wasn't in much pain, and he was cracking off jokes to the nurses and us. God was gracious. He gave him more time than we expected — a week. We filled the week with multiple visits and had many good discussions. At times he looked and acted like he was okay, and I would have to wrestle with the fact that he couldn't just get out of bed and go home. Death is unpredictable. In the hospital, he went from having days to weeks and then back to hours. It messes with the emotions. On the night he passed away, my brother and I experienced one of the most challenging things in our lives. We witnessed the sheer panic of my Dad struggling to breathe. As we held him, the doctor came in. All I could think was "hold Dad", but Andrew had the fortitude to engage with the doctors. Later that evening, Dad passed away. It's interesting, but as our family looked at my Dad, we knew he wasn't there. His body was just a shell. He had gone home to be with Jesus. Where now, he is truly alive. There were many discussions after my Dad's passing. It was a challenging time. And during this time, I noticed something. I was tired. At first, I thought it was physical. With all the trips to the hospital and staying the night at the hospital the day before my Dad died, I figured it was just overexertion and lack of sleep. After getting sleep, the fatigue was still there. The emotional exertion and weight of this whole situation caused my fatigue. I would call it a numbness. I've been working through this, and what I have found to be helpful are a few things:
In these times, we do not want to lean on personal experience, but instead we want to learn from God how we should deal with emotional fatigue. And God, through His Word, gives us at least two examples. One example shows what He does, and the other shows what we can do. In 1 Kings 19, after the showdown at Mount Carmel, Elijah runs from Ahab. Ahab has made a promise to kill Elijah, and he is terrified. The emotional pressures of being a target of hatred weigh heavily on Elijah. This burden is too much to carry, and he prays that God would take his life. He then lays down and sleeps. How does God respond?
In 1 Samuel 30, we see another example of dealing with emotional fatigue. This time we see it from how people respond to others when they are going through such times. And it gives us a couple of practical aids to working through emotional exhaustion. In this chapter, the Philistines had captured the wives and children of all of David's men. They were so overwhelmed with grief that they "wept until they had no more strength to weep" (v. 4). What does David do?
After being instructed to pursue the captors, the men follow him. After a while, two hundred of them "were too exhausted to cross the valley" (v. 10). They had experienced emotional shock and sorrow, followed by physical exertion in pursuit of their enemy. They finally wore out. What does David do? He allows for the two hundred men to stay back to rest and watch over the supplies. As a soldier, David knows the importance of rest. You can't march against an enemy if your mind isn't in the battle. You need to rest and regroup. As someone who knew God's ways, he also knew the importance of rest. It was David who said, "The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me besides quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name's sake". (Psalm 23:1-3) Notice how God brings us through life and allows for us to rest in green pastures, and leads us beside peaceful waters, so that he may refresh our soul. There are times in our life that we simply need to rest. And David knew this, both as a shepherd and a soldier.
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